my change of heart ..

seriously, im so tired. and not in a "sleepy" sense. i have noticed that i can seem like a pushover. but thats not me. i just have a problem with trying to please everyone. i tend to give out money or pay for others expenses. or say or do things that i know i shouldnt. like for example, people who dont really deserve my attention, i feel the need to contact them .. but it usually wont turn out well or how i would have liked. or maybe i will keep a secret and it doesnt benefit me in ANY way what so ever. im tired of texting my so-called "BFF" first and to no avail, there's no response and a couple of days later, i hear an excuse. im so fucking tired of hiding my feelings for this boy just so his bestfriend's feelings wont get hurt! why should i care? why the fuck should he?! that's his ex, an ex that used him to play her boyfriend. smh and i was the one there to pick up the pieces and mend his heart. is that fair to me? because i beg to differ. i have no remorse for anyone who tries to tell me im wrong for speaking my mind because i have held my feelings in for so long to please ungrateful people. when does this job ever end. its not a calling! im not contacting anyone UNLESS they owe me something. im going to see how long it takes for them to come to me. i want them to see how it feels to miss someone and WONDER why they havent been coming around. i hate that feeling. its unfair, and it makes me feel like you think you're more superior that you dont have to do anything .. especially consider my feelings.